Sunday, January 10, 2010

Guide on Dating and Men: Part 2 - If he's a texter, DHA

Dump His Ass

In today's society, the fastest way to get information is the best. Think back even back to telegrams, telephones, faxes, and now emails. The world wants its information and it wants it now. However, there are some areas where the old fashioned way still works, and this is in dating.

Texting in the beginning
A lot of men will text right when they get a girl's number. Whether they got it at a bar, at the grocery store, or online, the first touch is often text messaging.  This leaves a girl in a bind. It's becoming more common place, but we still don't like it. Too often, when this happens to me or a friend, we find ourselves in this textual relationship with a guy that we haven't even been on a date with. It makes it awkward because a girl gets all giddy and excited to get a text from a guy she doesn't even know. Somehow this excitement leads us to believe we're in a quasi-relationship, even if we've never gone out. Often times leading to make a bad date all the more awkward because we've invested so much time in him.

This has happened to me a countless number of times! I can't even begin to list them. The guy will get my number and will text the next day. Usually it's something stupid "what up?" What do you mean, what up? I'm at work, it's Wednesday at noon. Then, it progresses into a long texting relationship where the guy may or not not even end up asking me out. Often the texting is extremely flirty, which is wildly inn appropriate if you've never met the guy. Texting is tiresome and is not meant to build the foundations of a relationship. Texting is meant to deliver quick messages to someone. Whether it's "I'll be a few minutes late" or "Just wanted to say I'm thinking about you." It is not meant to waste a person's time.

So, here's the problem, it's really guys that need to learn not to text in the beginning. How does this knowledge help a girl? Quite simple, actually. If a guy's texting you in the beginning, he's more than likely not worth your time. Just forget about him and stop texting back. If he's really interested, he'll get the clue and call you. If he's just dicking around until a girl comes into the picture that is worth calling, you're better off knowing this now. And I can guarantee, a guy will call a girl he's really interested in. So, if you're getting texts, sorry, you just didn't really do it for that guy. Every single relationship I've been in did not start with a text. The guy always called me. I've had "relationships" with jokesters (read relationship as late night drinking, casual, tons of drama) and these 9 times out of 10 started with texting. This even proved true on eHarmony, when I was on that. Granted, I never dated a guy seriously from that either, but the guys that were good guys, nice, polite, raised well (unfortunately, the chemistry just wasn't there between us) always called to set up the first date. The others either texted after asking for my number for awhile, asked to be my facebook friend, or just emailed a first date, and they all turned out to be duds! So, in my opinion, if a guy is serious about wanting to go out and be in a relationship, he's going to treat it seriously, and that means calling the girl. 

Texting after a date
I wholeheartedly agree with a cute text after the first date. It lets you know the guy liked you and wants to see you again. I love when I get home from a first date and as I'm brushing my teeth, I hear the texting beep and I smile knowing it's the guy. The texts usually say something like "Had fun tonight! I will call you later." (Note the I will call you later). I agree with giving a little positive text back thanking him as well, but that's where the texting should stop. He should call you the next time you have a serious conversation.

Usually those text come after a good first date. They are a very reliable indicator of whether the guy wants to see you again or not.

Texting while in a relationship
Once you're comfortably in a relationship, texting can become a little more common. However, it should be a compliment to talking on the phone, not take its place. I have a friend who's ex-boyfriend and her solely communicated via texting. I'm talking even as extreme as fighting. Not good.. A real man will call you to have adult conversations, whether about his day at work, or about an argument. Let's be real here, how much are you getting to know a person through texting only? It's lazy and insulting. Texting in a relationship can be very useful to say a quick hi while at work to let the person know you were thinking about them, confirming that you'll see each other that night, and a myriad of other reasons. However, it should not be used as the primary way of communication. Hopefully, you've weeded out these guys during the courtship phase, but if not, then it might be time to DHA. He's obviously immature and not serious about you if he can't give you the courtesy of a call.

In general men are ridiculous with texting. Here's a prime example of how guys use and abuse texting.

Poolshark met this guy back in early October at a local bar. She gave him her number and he texted her. I guess she lost interest pretty quickly (women need the call, the human contact to stay interested, otherwise texting just became a chore) and stopped texting him back. This guy did not get the clue. Would text her randomly "what are you doing tonight?" "Happy Thanksgiving." etc. Even really odd messages like "Sorry we couldn't hang out tonight, I had to work late." "Whaaa?" she would think "Did we even have plans for tonight? I haven't talked to you in months." But this shows how easy it is for guys to get into this lazy texting relationship. They're not even going out and he's still texting her. As she put it, thank goodness she never went out with this whackjob! Even as recently as New Year's, she got a text asking what her plans were. Can this guy not get the hint? Poolshark hadn't texted him since end of October back. It's just too ridiculous. But I think it paints a pretty clear picture of just why texting is a no-go. I think there's a lot of other issues there, like why he's so obsessed after few months of not seeing her, but this post is about texting.

You deserve a guy that's willing to put forth the effort to pick up the phone. So, if he's not, move on, you don't want to waste your time with that bozo. You just have to trust if it doesn't feel right, if you don't like it, then your instinct is right on. DHA and find someone who wants to be in a relationship.

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