You know that feeling you get when you've just had the best date ever? And you're thinking "I really really really hope this guy calls me back?" Well, I had not had that feeling in a very long time.
Sure, I'd been out on dates. Fun dates with nice guys. But at the end, I always thought "eh, if he calls again, I'll give him a second date to see if I warm up to him. If he doesn't call, no big deal." Then the second date comes and goes and I've no more warmed up to him, and the whole time am thinking I'd rather be at home with a nice glass of Merlot and Gossip Girl.
I had started to wonder if something was wrong with me. Was it wrong to want that excitement? I'd felt it before, but maybe it was something that went with age. Maybe it's a level of immaturity to want that. Maybe it's enough to just enjoy the guy's company. But I couldn't help but feel like something was missing. Sure, they were nice, cute, smart, but something was off. The thought of kissing them sounded like a chore. I had all but given up on thinking I would ever feel that way again.
But then, out of the dark came L. I've been out with him three times, and yes, after each, I get that excited feeling that I thought I'd lost forever. I was smiling, I was excited to see him, I didn't want the date to end. I couldn't wait to see him again. Thoughts of Gossip Girl were miles away.
Anyways, I don't want to get too ahead of myself and talk about L specifically at this point. Rather, I just want to say it's such a relief to know that all those other guys that I just couldn't bring myself to go out with again wasn't in vain. It wasn't me being too picky, or being unreasonable. A woman's intuition is always right, and I knew there was something more. So, regardless of what happens next, at least I know it is okay to expect that excitement and flurry of butterflies.