Monday, January 18, 2010

Guide on Dating and Men: Part 3 - It really is better to be single than sorry

Now this topic really gets me worked up. I know SOOO many girls who settle because in their mind, having someone/anyone, is better than being alone. It's such a sad state of affairs and you just want to shake them up and say "Ladies! You are beautiful, smart, and fun! Why are you settling!?"

Of course, I'm the first to admit, it's no fun sitting around by yourself on a Friday or Saturday night wishing you had someone to snuggle with. But as much as it seems better to be out with anyone, you're doing yourself a favor by being alone.

1. You won't end up settling yourself all the way to the alter.
Yes, this happens. I know a girl who for the life of me, I don't even know why she went out on a second date with this bozo. Oh, wait. Nevermind, I do. All her friends were married with children (mind you, I think she was 26 or 27 at the time, still a young whippersnapper). To use the word desperate would be an understatement.  Now, she wasn't the most fun, prettiest girl in the lot, but she had some good qualities, and for sure she could have done MUCH better. This guy was a straight up loser. He still lived with his parents, had never had a real job, loved gaming, had no sense of being an adult or even wanting to grow up. To this day, I'm not sure how he even proposed. Something tells me he really didn't have a say in it. I'm seeing an ultimatum here, and based on his laziness track, decided he wasn't going to find another woman to have regular, free sex with, and that would deal with his moron-self, so he agreed.

All her friends were mortified. This guy not only was a loser, but was rude. He would make rude comments about how stupid she was, and it left you wondering, "if you think she's so stupid, why are you with her?" It made everyone uncomfortable. He was rude to her friends. If she wanted to have people over for dinner in her house that she paid the mortgage in, we would hear him stomping around, sighing loudly, and playing his stupid video games at top volume. Get a life! Respect your finance. Go out with other friends! It was ridiculous.

Well, the story just gets worse. She ended up getting pregnant after trying for a few long years. We all hoped that maybe by becoming a dad, this guy would grow up. No such luck. It's really really sad. He won't ever be with his son alone, so basically, this girl can't go anywhere without taking the baby. Not even to run up to Kroger for some milk. He thinks the baby is a brat, he never helps with diapers, feeding in the middle of the night, taking to daycare, etc.

I wouldn't wish divorce on anyone, but unless something happens, I think that's where this is going to end up. And this poor child will grow up with a loving, yet spineless mother, and a father who probably won't even send him a birthday card once a year. Either that, or they never get divorced. He, because he's too lazy, and she, because she doesn't want to ruin this illusion she thinks she's putting up of the perfect life, complete with baby, husband, home in the suburbs and pet. But while I wouldn't wish divorce on anyone, I wouldn't wish her life on anyone either.

So, how did it get to this point? Because she settled. She decided that going out with this bozo a second/third/etc. time was better than being alone.

2. You won't find someone new when you're dating this loser
Ok, now this one. Wooo boy! Do I know a lot of people in this category. And basically the story is ALWAYS THE SAME. ALWAYS.

Girl meets loser. Girl dates loser. Girl deals with all sorts of drama, fighting, late night talking with girlfriend about how much guy is loser. Girlfriends tell girl to break up. Girl does not break up. Many other men may be interested in girl, but are not interested in asking her out because a) she's dating someone, and b) it appears as though this girl is chock full of drama, and what guy wants that?

So, basically, if you're dealing with a guy that's more drama than he's worth, do yourself and everyone around you a favor and dump his ass. You'll feel like you lost 170 lbs of pure ugly fat. You'll feel great! This will reflect off around you and will make eligible, more desirable bachelors ask you out.

3. Being in a bad relationship can cause depression
There are many types of bad relationships. Ones that are the most obvious are the abusive ones, whether physically or emotionally. However, bad relationships can also just be one where you're never quite as happy as you should be. Worrying constantly, walking on edges to make sure someone doesn't blow up at you, being unhappy in a relationship that is supposed to make you happy, feeling like something is missing, having low self-esteem that keeps you with some loser, being constantly put down, insulted, or having to change who you are for a guy can all do a real toll on your self-esteem. And while feelings of low self-esteem/depression can be prevalent in this relationships, they probably weren't there to that degree before the relationship. For example, the girl in example 1 obviously had some low self-esteem problems, hence the reason she dated that guy in the first place. Yet, now, however low it was to begin with, you can guarantee it's lower now. This starts the vicious cycle. The girl has even lower self-esteem and really doesn't think she can do any better. Now, I'm no psychologist, so I can't go too much deeper into why people think this way, how to help cure low self-esteem, but just remember, your self esteem will only lower if you are in a bad relationship, and who wants that? So, I hope if you are in one, you can recognize it and get out before it's too late! 

4. Your friends won't pity you
Plain and simple. Who wants friends who talk about you behind your back? And it's probably not even pity, just genuine concern. But don't you want friends to be excited for you? Not sad for you?

5. You won't waste the "best years" of your life with some guy who doesn't even appreciate it
Now, I'm not sure I agree with the "best years" mentality, but the truth is, there's a time in every girl's life where the look the best, have the most energy, etc. And if you're wasting it on some bozo just so you can say you have a boyfriend, then you're not doing yourself any favors. So, lose the dude, find some new activity that excites you, and flaunt it since you've got it!

So, moral of this is, if you're in a bad relationship, have some faith in yourself. You're better than that. Dump his ass and enjoy who you are, without the extra weight. You're worth it. And even if you're alone for a very long time, just have faith that there's a reason for that. Maybe it's because the right guy for you is still being "prepped" or the reason is health related, you aren't depressed or being abused. Regardless, it's always better to be single than sorry.

(Clearly this topic was borrowed heavily from Jen Schefft's book)


found on several blogs with no photo credit


RAP said...

So first that is super sad about your friend she and the baby deserve way better. And I totally agree no guy wants drama and most non-skeezy guys aren't asking you out if you have a bf. So dump the losers and follow your heart :) Good post - funny but educational.

SJP said...

Yea, it is really sad! I mean, no one deserves that. She literally is living my worst nightmare and there's nothing to be done about it.

Good thing you don't have to worry about this! ;)