I work out in the morning and there is quite the cast of characters that start my day off with a smile.
The Sexual Deviant. This guy is one sick mother effer. He's about 55-60, and can't do a single move at the gym without turning it into some sort of porno warm up. For example, when he does bicep curls, he does it with a full on pelvic thrust. This is not the same as those guys that are doing weights that are too heavy for them and they are using their body to help propel the weights up. No no no. This guy is dry humping the air as he does the bicep curls. Then, he has this move where he's on all fours (mind you, he does this in the middle of the exercise room where there's several other people in various stages of working out) and he does this weird back and forth movement with his body. His knees and arms are slightly bent, and he looks like a cat about to pounce. Then, he starts into this rhythm, in a sort of back and forth circular motion, once again, resembling dry humping (but a much slower, more passionate dry hump this time) to the invisible person beneath him. Sit ups = pelvic thrusts, push ups = pelvic thrusts. I wish I could describe his actions better for you, because they are sick. He is sick. SICK!
The couple. Now, it's one thing if you are in a couple and you go to the gym together, but once inside, you should part ways. It's the couple that actually works out together that is annoying. This couple holds each other's feet while doing sit ups. Now, I don't know about you, but I can't recall the last time I needed someone to hold my feet to do situps. They'll run side by side, then go do some sort of weird yoga moves. Wednesday, the guy wanted the girl to do pushups. She, being a girl, did not have as much upper body strength as I think the guy would have liked. He kept yelling at her "Go all the way down!" She couldn't do it, which is totally understandable, so he kept repeating himself "all the way down, all the way down, all the way down!" It was all I could do to restrain myself and not scream at him, "She's going down as far as she can go! Leave her alone!" It made me wonder about this couple, and couples that work out in general. Obviously there's something off here that they can't even be apart for a second. Is it one of those situations where the guy is saying "I don't find you attractive anymore, you need to get to the gym and lose some weight?" Or are they just that annoying couple that has no other friends, no other interests, no other life outside of the other?
Newspaper Boy. I will preface this with saying I think Newspaper Boy is super cute, and if he's available, I want him to ask me out. But he reads the newspaper the whole time he's at the gym. And while this is acceptable while on the elliptical, it is absolutely not acceptable while you are doing pushups. And never acceptable while you are doing side leg lifts like some sort of Jane Fonda from the early 90s. He shouldn't be doing those anyways! Yikes!
The old Flirt. Every gym has at least one of these. The guy that is always at the gym, sometimes married, sometimes not, but always older and always knows the name of every girl at the gym.
The cougar. This woman barely works out, she spends more time getting ready in the morning than actually working out, but she knows the names of all the men at the gym. For spending years at the gym every morning, it's confusing why she doesn't look better.
The obnoxious girls. You know, the girls that come in together and lift weights and gossip the whole time...uh oh. Wait. Is that me and D?
I tried to find some pictures to post with this blog, because you know how much I love that, and for "some" reason "guy at gym humping" popped back with all kinds of porno photos, haha!!