Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Office Griches and their Unsavory Smells

So, yesterday I forgot to post my Grinch and I have such an amazing story, I'm posting it a day late.

Monday morning, as I am walking off the elevator, there is a faint, but extremely putrid smell. Like death rotting. As I walk towards the kitchen, the smell is getting stronger. As I open the refrigerator to put my lunch in, I'm hit in the face with a terrible rotting smell. Something has literally died in that fridge.

Now, there weren't many people in the office because of the holidays, but I go and get D so we can investigate. We determine it's coming from these really nice glass containers. The smell is so putrid and foul it is actually penetrating through glass containers! In order to confirm this is where the smell comes from, D tentatively lifts the lid and suddenly it's like an atomic bomb went off in the kitchen. The smell quickly filled the kitchen and moved throughout the office at an alarming speed. Death by toxic gas immediately went through my head.

At this point, the kitchen is filled with other people wanting to know WTF is that smell? It literally seeped out of the kitchen and into their offices and cubes. Some as far as a good 50 feet away! yes! The smell was THAT FOUL!

So, a group of us decide we need to dispose of this health hazard. We were debating whether to throw it away, expensive Pyrex container and all, but decided that no, we wanted the guilty culprit to look us in the eye and admit it was theirs. So, D empties the containers and we sextuple-bag the offending food and throw it in the garbage. Even bagged 6 times, the smell was still in the kitchen and hit you in the face like a sucker punch every time you opened the trash can. We had to call the property manager to have them send someone up to empty our trash. SICK! IT WAS SICK!

So, I'm washing the containers, and the smell isn't going away. The water is scalding hot, we have soap, etc., but the smell had permeated so far into the container that even with washing it wasn't going away. At this point, we throw it in the dishwasher downstairs and decide we'll see what happens next.

The fridge, however, is also still smelling from the stench. I guess the smell had holed up in there. At this point, I was FUMING! This is not my job description, to be some sort of maid for my sick effing co-workers. But when it gets to the point where the whole office is suffering, something has to be done. D and I find some Clorox bleach wipes and clean out the fridge. Yes, like we're unpaid maids or slaves at the office.  Man, was I hot. HOT I tell you! I just wanted that guilty person to walk in and watch out, they would have gotten it!

Now, I don't want to be known as the fridge Nazi, but someone has to send an email out at this point. Everyone in the office was wondering what that smell was. It wafted through double doors, around corners, into closed offices, it was that stank and that toxic! So, I send out the following email. Mind you, this was totally toned down from what I wanted to say (vocab words such as foul, filthy, disgusting, ashamed of yourself and rotten food not included were all removed).

With the holiday season, some items may have been inadvertently forgotten in the refrigerator during vacation time. This morning, what had started off as an odor contained to inside the fridge had permeated out of the fridge and into the kitchen, common area and surrounding offices and cubes. The offending food items were identified and several of your coworkers put their own health at risk to empty out these containers and wash them. If you are the proud owner of red Pyrex containers which at one time contained spinach salad, cauliflower and minestrone soup, you may come see me to collect your belongings.

I really doubted anyone would come collect their belongings, but wow, did this woman have some kind of brass balls! She REPLIED ALL!!! So, not only did she look me in the eyes and admit it was her's, she looked everyone in the whole office in the eyes. 

When things are found growing in containers, I unfortunately am a likely suspect.  I often bring healthy creations from home, then some evil person temps me with Jo Jo's or carts, and I totally forget about my lunch.   My only defense is that a have anosmia and do not smell, so I don't notice the torture I place on my fellow workers.  I admire your bravery for entering a fridge with rotted food!  I will come over to retreive my pyrex soon.

I don't know, what do you think? I think it sounds a little flippant. Like, she wants to come across as being the bigger person and admitting guilt, but somehow it's like "there's no big deal here, chill out." YES! There was a huge effing big deal! The entire office stank because of you! The fridge will never be the same. I will never look at cauliflower or a spinach salad again without wanting to hurl! 

I could totally get into how foul my office coworkers are on a regular basis in that fridge, but I'm sure it's no different than any other office in America. Plus this blog is already long as it is, but I'm interested in knowing, do you have any sick fridge stories, ones that really top the rest of the narstiness that happens year-round? If so, please share!!

I told her the dishes were downstairs soaking in the sink. When I left yesterday, I stopped by the floor, and wouldn't you know it, they were still in there! It's out of my hands now, I don't care what happens to those dishes. But forever in my heart, the 2009 Holiday season will be known as the year where Santa left us a present worse than coal! 


RAP said...

LMAO this is too funny... and disgusting. We had the same problem, like people would never throw out their shit. You'd open the fridge and there would be salad dressings from 1999, moldy sandwiches and random bits of leftover Wendys (like are you really going to eat fries that have been in the fridge for a week?)... they finally said anything and everything in the fridge and freezer on the last day of the month gets tossed. No more disgusting food!!!

RAP said...

Oh and I can't believe she replied all and totally think she was trying to make you sound like a bitch and it wasn't a huge deal

SJP said...

Allegedly our cleaning people are supposed to clean out the fridge every week, but I think they do it about once a month on average. Once a month is not often enough. That stuff can grow all kinds of filth in that amount of time!!

I know, her response was so like "whatevs! It's mine, what of it? What what!?"